“I’ll be dead.”
My neighbour holds her wine glass and continues: “I don’t
care, because I’ll be dead.”
We are
chatting about her funeral, eulogy and how she would like to be
remembered. I haven’t even asked her
about her thoughts of coffin verses shroud.
Priest verses celebrant? Home
burial?
Whilst it’s true that funerals are ‘for the living” it seems
my friend can walk out of her life without a care in the world or a backward
glance, but it’s not for me.
Us ‘deathies’ who
work in the funeral business, love to discuss other’s funeral plans and we enjoy
asking the big questions of life, and death.
We are the death whisperers. We are the people who give you permission to
think and plan.
The thing that makes us human is that we know we will die
one day. It’s what urges us on to live, knowing that the death stopwatch is
ticking every second. Having frank
conversations of your own death, can give you an unexpected calmness and
confidence. These days anything goes,
and new professions are being born such as funeral planners, and death doulas,
or palliative carers.
‘Dying to Know Day’ is an occasion
to create social and cultural change about death and dying. The aim is to promote resilience and well-being
in response to end-of-life issues, and to encourage people to build their death
literacy. It’s not morbid, in fact quite
the opposite!
It’s a breath of fresh air - opening a window in your life
to plan and discuss your own thoughts and wishes with your loved ones.
Just as talking about pregnancy or chocolate won't make you
pregnant or fat, chatting about death won't kill you!
Discussion on death, dying and funerals is the new black,
with Death Cafes being held regularly in Brisbane and internationally. Death
Cafes are not grief workshops, nor are they support groups. A Death Café is where people, often
strangers, meet to have open and frank discussions about death, dying and
grief, within safe boundaries. Of
course there’s cake too, as we celebrate our own lives.
It seems society has turned a cultural philosophical corner
but there is a long way to go; we are all on the same train, with some of us
getting off at different stations. I urge you to sit down with your family and
have a cuppa and that special chat. Talk
about your Wills, chat about end-of-life wishes, and especially discuss and
make your Advanced Health Care plan. You don't need a terminal illness to begin these conversations, in fact, do it
whilst you are well and healthy. Making
your Will, organising your Power of Attorney, and Advanced Care planning are
all part of your life, and your future.
Last month I put on my big-girl-pants and bought my own
grave, and I couldn't be happier. It
occurred to me that I didn't want to be scattered, as nice as that sounds; I
wanted a grieving place for future ancestors to come and visit and point,
saying: “Look, they've spelt her name wrong.”
Having my grave chosen and paid for has given me added
freedom to live my life. I've made peace
with my own mortality, and it gives me great comfort to know that it’s
sorted.
You'll find me gently resting
somewhere in an historic cemetery, high on the hill and under a huge tree
(great for photos!) with city and mountain views.
I'll be pushing up daisies, after I've kicked the bucket, how
good is that? The trick is not to fill
it too soon.
Oh, that’s right, I’ll be dead.
1 comment:
Well written Patty, and I agree, if you have done some of the things, like having a will, enduring power of attorney, and instructions to your family for your end of life it is much more comforting. Well done. I am afaid I want to be scattered - and I will designate where....
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